Adoption Story Page 4

I didn’t know it at the time, but God was moving in so many ways in my life. I can remember during that time that God would send people to talk to me about adoption. One of them was my wonderful sister-in-law.  I remember one time she brought me someone else’s adoption story that she had taken the time to print out for me. I was alone when I read it and all I could do was cry and cry. I wanted so badly to have the peace that the woman in the story had. I said in my heart “That will be me one day” I would open my heart to adoption and then I would close it off.  Justin and I would talk about foster care and the possibility of adoption that comes with that.  One time we even looked into some private agencies, but that’s as far as it got. Remember that I said I longed for peace? I was in a constant cycle. I would go to a doctor, they would give me hope, it would not work out, I would become depressed, I would start to feel better and then I would read something and find another reason to hope. Sometimes this would take years and it was very unsettling from every angle. I had no idea that the peace of God was in me, I just had to find it.  It would take a traumatic event and many more months before peace would begin to grow in my heart. I had to go through a hurricane to get there.  So many times we pen ourselves in with our own plans, ideas, expectations, fears, concerns, etc, etc, etc, you fill in the blank. That is exactly what I did.  I wanted peace, but what I needed was peace from my own self and everything I just listed. Eventually the peace came, but not right away. It took a journey and lots of lessons. It took God chipping away at my heart. I know that these last couple of post have been a bit on the depressing side, but as the Bible says Joy Comes In The Morning. It won’t be long before we get to the best part of the story, my sweet Philip. When I decided to write this I really felt the Lord wanted me to not only be honest about my journey, to go in detail, tell it slowly, take the time to say it right. I promise there are brighter posts ahead!