Adoption Story Page Seven, Fight for the Promise

I wish I could tell you that once we decided to adopt that we lived happily ever after. I know we all wish that to be true in our situations, but that's not how life turns out. Publicly I cannot tell you each detail of this story, due to privacy issues. But I will tell you as much as I can, so that I might convey to you the importance of fighting for your destiny.
One day in late Summer 2009, we were told about an eighteen month old baby boy. All they told us was that he was the same tribe as me, that he had been in a shelter for a few days and that he had red hair. Justin and I immediately felt that this child was meant to be ours. I think it was that initial reaction that gave us the strength we needed over the next two months.
To make a very long story very short, we thought we were going to be able to bring him home, but important people decided that we could not. WE WERE HEARTBROKEN. We were ready to go with everything we needed and then they said no.  I cannot tell you how much I wanted to crawl under my bed at that time. But I didn't, we didn't. We fought. We felt like he was meant to be ours, and we fought for him. Again, I cannot discuss the tactics, but we laid all our cards on the table, we did all we could and then.... we sat back and watched God bring our son home to us.

Philip, On the first day in our home.

Nearly two months after hearing about a little red headed choctaw, and a much needed vacation later, we got a phone call. The man on the phone said "I understand you were interested in fostering Philip?" "Yes!" I said. "Do you still want to take him?" "YES!!!"

Two weeks later we drove to the Love's station and picked up our son for the weekend, and the next Wednesday we moved him to his forever home. This was the fulfilment of the beautiful work that God began nine years earlier. This was the fulfilment of God's promise to build our home. This was what God had intended for us all along, and we did not give up in the darkest hour of pursuing it. We fought and God fought for us.

A Time to Be Excited, Adoption Story Page 6

Once we decided to adopt, excitement set in. The decision brought so much freedom to our lives. For so many years we dreamt of what our family was going to look like, our hopes would be raised and then shattered. When you are dreaming about having a child biologically, you know that you will become pregnant, a baby will be born, the baby will look like you and have some of your personality qualities, the child will continue to grow. A person who has their children through pregnancy pretty much knows what to expect. When you are growing your family through adoption, you really don't know how your family is going to look. Since we adopted through DHS, we had a lot of options. We were able to decide what age group we wanted to look at, if we wanted a sibling group, what race. Initially we put that we wanted a sibling group ages seven and younger. It was a big surprise when we ended up with a young child without a sibling group, but that is for a different page. This was the time when we were finally able to dream about what our family was going to look like and know that it would soon come true. It was such a happy time in our lives and we could feel the peace that comes from letting God have control of our plans.  It was during this time that I found my joy. I realized that my life didn't need to look how I wanted it to. I became content with the idea of  my life looking how God wanted it to look. That was true freedom. In the next months that joy and freedom grew while we went through the process of adoption. God brought me out of the darkness and into the season of fulfilment.

Shall We Pause for Questions?

As soon as someone finds out that we adopted our little booboochachoo, questions follow. I am cool with this, in fact I take every chance I get to talk about what God has done in our lives. For my readers sake, I thought I might post some of the FAQ, just in case you have been wondering. Also know, that if you ever have any questions about our story at all, feel free to email me. 

Most Asked Questions:

How long have you had Philip?
We got Philip in Oct. 2009, he was almost 21 months when he came home with us. It was love at first sight!

How did Philip come to live with you?
A: We get this almost daily in one form or another.  We adopted Philip through DHS.  Despite popular belief, this was not hard, you do have to go in depth about your personal life, but don't let this scare you. 

Did it take along time finalize your adoption?
A: Philip came home with us ten months after we applied, and our adoption was final about eight months later.  This seems like a long time, but it went by really fast!

Do you have an open adoption?
A:Yes. We believe it is important to keep Philip in contact with his birth family. Through our adoption we have extended our family to include a whole other family, his birth mom, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. This work really well for us and I enjoy having them in our lives.

Where does Philip get his red hair?
A: This is another one we get almost daily. Philip gets his red hair and curls from his birth mom. She has beautiful long, red (a little darker than Philip's), curly hair.
Do you want to adopt again?
A: Absolutely! We believe that God is building our house, and we are waiting for the direction of when to take that next step.

I hope this answers any questions you might have! Again email me with your questions, I love to hear from you all.

The Turning Point Adoption Story Page 5

In every story there is a turning point. Mine started out very dark and took over a year to come about. In August of 2007, Justin and I woke up to the sound of water rushing into our house. We lost almost everything we owned in a "hurricane" on dry land. A creek was literally running through our house.I don't remember much about the next few days, but I do remember how our church family rallied around us. I am so thankful for the people who came and helped us in our time of need. For the next year I was simply going through the motions of life. There were a lot of other things that happened in our lives around that time that were good and if it had not been for those good times, who knows how far into depression I would have gone. Slowly, I repeat SLOWLY, I began to come out of the depression. There was no precise moment that I changed, it was a little at a time. But let me assure you, it was God who did the work in me. I began to feel a closeness to God I had not known before.  I began to know that God was writing my book, and I began to let him.  I guess I finally began to realize that nothing was going to carry me to my destiny except God's grace, God's plan, God's love. There was absolutely NOTHING I could do to change any of that. It was really hard for me to accept that I didn't have to work for any of these things. I had spent my whole life working to earn something from someone, including God. It was in the days that I had nothing left to loose, that I saw God work in a mighty way in me. In October of 2008 Justin and I started to seriously discuss adoption. We talked about everything we would need to take into consideration.  Finally, we were like "Let's do it!".   Whenever we decided, I started to feel such a peace about it. It was finally the moment I had been waiting nine years for, I was going to be a mom!

Adoption Story Page 4

I didn’t know it at the time, but God was moving in so many ways in my life. I can remember during that time that God would send people to talk to me about adoption. One of them was my wonderful sister-in-law.  I remember one time she brought me someone else’s adoption story that she had taken the time to print out for me. I was alone when I read it and all I could do was cry and cry. I wanted so badly to have the peace that the woman in the story had. I said in my heart “That will be me one day” I would open my heart to adoption and then I would close it off.  Justin and I would talk about foster care and the possibility of adoption that comes with that.  One time we even looked into some private agencies, but that’s as far as it got. Remember that I said I longed for peace? I was in a constant cycle. I would go to a doctor, they would give me hope, it would not work out, I would become depressed, I would start to feel better and then I would read something and find another reason to hope. Sometimes this would take years and it was very unsettling from every angle. I had no idea that the peace of God was in me, I just had to find it.  It would take a traumatic event and many more months before peace would begin to grow in my heart. I had to go through a hurricane to get there.  So many times we pen ourselves in with our own plans, ideas, expectations, fears, concerns, etc, etc, etc, you fill in the blank. That is exactly what I did.  I wanted peace, but what I needed was peace from my own self and everything I just listed. Eventually the peace came, but not right away. It took a journey and lots of lessons. It took God chipping away at my heart. I know that these last couple of post have been a bit on the depressing side, but as the Bible says Joy Comes In The Morning. It won’t be long before we get to the best part of the story, my sweet Philip. When I decided to write this I really felt the Lord wanted me to not only be honest about my journey, to go in detail, tell it slowly, take the time to say it right. I promise there are brighter posts ahead!

The Season of Disappointment, Adoption Story Page 3

In the beginning of trying to get pregnant, it was exciting. I am the oldest of three girls so it would be the first grandchild on my side of the family. As the years went by the excitement slowly turned to disappointment.  That disappointment brought much hurt into our hearts and I believe into the hearts of our family and close friends.  I was blessed this weekend to be able to share my story at a women’s conference, Removing the Veil.  We talked a lot about what we hide behind, what keeps us from what God has for us. I got to share what I hid behind during that season of disappointment.  Now, this part might sound a bit odd to some and know that just because this was true in my circumstance does not make it true in all. I found myself believing that if I just had enough faith I would conceive.  Let me just be honest here. Is that ok with everyone?  Things that happened to me when I was younger made me feel unworthy and rejected. As usual I projected this lie onto my God who did anything but.  Because of this I thought that if I did what I was supposed to do (have faith, believe, follow and quote his word, EARN it), God would bless me with a child. I knew that salvation could not be earned, but I thought his blessings could. Because I went to a church that taught faith, this belief was reinforced in me.  I used this as a shield to hide behind my real problems and pretend that everything was alright in my heart when in fact it was not. It took me years to even begin to deal with these issues. But one day, when I wasn’t looking and my guard was down, it got dealt with. Thank God for putting people in our lives that can see a pattern and have the ability to help us see it in love. That day was the day I stopped trying to buy a child with works.  That was the day of the seeds of new beginnings for me. I did not know it, but it would not be long before everything would change and I would just be hanging on for dear life. If I had not dealt with those issues, I do not think I would have been able to live through the next year and a half of my life. I love it when God shows up and takes care of us. As I have learned, there’s nothing we need to do in order for that to happen. He’s our Daddy, that’s what he does.

Adoption Story Page 2

I always knew I wanted to be a mother. Like many young ladies I daydreamed of a future with a husband and as many children as could fill our house. After Justin and I were married, we wanted to start our family right away. I thought I could see clearly what our family would look like. We would have at least three kids, all born close together so that they would grow up tight knit. I never thought about a career for myself because I would stay home with the babies. I was overjoyed at the thought of this idea. After all I wanted to be a young wife and young mother. I had always dreamed about a little house with a husband and kids. I would be a great mom and raise children who were both individual (like me) and thoughtful (like their dad). They would have quirky names and be artistic. They would share in our passion for God. They would be a perfect mix of the both of us. Our love personified, all wrapped up with a big pink or blue bow. After we had our children we wanted to adopt. We wanted to share our family’s love with children who had not been so lucky. Adoption was an afterthought. Isn’t it funny how we make such grandiose plans without seeking God? We prayed that God would guide us, that God would bless our family. But we never consulted God on a timeline. In those days the future could be anything and everything. We never asked God if it was the right time for our family to begin. But of course, God had a plan. I did not know that while I was making plans for our future, so was God. I did not know that when I prayed "Lord use me, I will go, whatever it is" the He would use me and He would take me there. I did not know that the seeds of a heart for adoption were taking root. You see even though there were some things I had not consulted God on, there were a lot of things I had. I knew that God had a testimony for me. I prayed a lot of "you fill in the blank, God" prayers. I didnt know that when I prayed those prayers, I was praying for the things that I had not thought about.  God did fill in the blanks with His grace, His plans and His love. He didn't do it in a way that I would have picked at the time, but I wouldn't trade it now. Writing this and looking back hasn't been the easiest thing, but it has been necessary. I want people to know that our story did not happen over night. It is a story that took years to make and is continuing to be written.

My Adoption Story, Page One

There were times in my life when I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to write my story.  In the darkest times I felt it was a story with no ending, at least not a happy one.  But it is true that God has more for us than we can imagine.  His plans for us are good, even though it may not seem like they are going to pan out at the time. I remember shortly after I graduated from high school I was at a church service.  My prayer was “I trust you God, I don’t know where I’m going, but I trust you” That prayer was a big deal for me. I am the type of person who has to know “the plan” at all times. If there is not a plan, I must make one. If that plan does not work out, I already have a backup plan in mind. I had no idea where that prayer would take my life. It was a prophetic prayer of faith because it has been the times in my life that I did not know where I was going that God has proven himself to me.  Before I was a mother I knew that I wanted to write about how I became a mother. I knew that my story was different, but I did not know how different it would turn out to be. So, my friends, this is the story of how I became a mother. It is a story of faith, of God’s grace, of hurt and brokenness and best of all God’s faithfulness. But it doesn’t end the moment I became a mother. It is also a story of growing as a mother, as adoption usually is. It is also a story of adoption awareness and the blessing that come into your life when you let God build your home. Thankfully my story has a happy ending, or as I like to say a happy new beginning. God’s not done building my family yet, it has only just begun.